Leaving our comfort zones

When I first met him, I called him "Old School." After about six years, I call John Tate a good father, husband, employee and friend.

Heroes and role models show up at unlikely times and places. I met "Old School" in the Oktibbeha County courthouse while covering a murder trial.

Waiting for the jury to deliberate, I spent time getting to know a man dressed in a blue shirt and khaki pants I'd seen around the courthouse for months. The other inmates called him Old School since he was the oldest guy in the jail. A trusty at the Oktibbeha County Jail, he worked as a custodian at the courthouse. He'd see me in and out of the building working on the news of the day while he made sure things stayed picked up in the hallways, bathrooms, and in the many offices in the building. Getting to know John over months and then years, I realized how easy one bad decision can change someone's life and affect the family depending on him.

The more I spent time with Old School, I also saw that committing a crime in the eyes of others doesn't have to define who we are. I saw a man with dignity, morals and values, even in jail. In fact, I admired him for carrying himself with dignity in his situation.

He and I would spend time talking to each other, sharing thoughts and stories about what we learned and saw. Old School taught me a lot more than I ever could have impressed on him. He helped me see the humanity in those society often tries to marginalize--the inmates stuck paying time to a system that may or may not be fair. Not everyone can afford adequate legal counsel. Not everyone who serves time is a terrible person. Not everyone who spends time in jail wants to do harm others.

Work, family, friends and other key parts of my life often keep me focused on immediate priorities. Overwhelming media competing for our attention, commercials, and day-to-day time constraints all contribute to cynicism and disillusionment about stories we hear about those around us, especially those who look different from us, those who come from another background or may not always agree with us. But when I start to feel callous to the world around me, I try to take a break and remember that I'm a product of all that's out there. We all are, whether we admit it or not.

Remember, not everyone has opportunities to attend the best schools, or even have a decent meal during the day. Some people don't have support from family and friends to let them know they have value  and can achieve great things. I didn't have to visit the jail to know that. I have first-hand experience struggling to make a better life and give thanks to those who have helped me along the way.

I visited the jail the night John finished serving his time. I'd never seen a bigger smile on a man's face than when he left out of the building to see his wife waiting on him. After leaving that chapter of his life, he works three jobs to support his family, but he still struggles to make a good life for them.

But he never forgot the people who helped him during a low time in his life. He'll never forget the people who treated him like a human being when they didn't have to.

John and I caught up recently. He told people he knows out there struggling. We went for a short drive to see people he knew, invisible people to the community. With many invisible people live in Starkville the surrounding areas, I find myself and many others blind to them. But the U.S. Census can open our eyes.  About a third of Oktibbeha County's residents live in poverty.

Regular people want to help but really don't know how. One problem with middle class people helping people in poverty is they don't understand the different values and survival systems. I recently read about the hidden rules of different socio-economic groups--poverty, middle class and wealth. We have to learn the hidden rules to make it, many of which we take for granted.

Lynn Phillips-Gaines

Starkville financial adviser Lynn Phillips-Gaines has started an initiative to help the community better understand poverty. Starkville's Bridges Out of Poverty, modeled after successful programs throughout the country, will bring the middle class to the same table as those in poverty. We will learn from each other how to help each other.

"Until you see what it's like to live in their world, you can't understand," Phillips-Gaines said.

This is our community. We can make a difference.

On August 9, Starkville Bridges Out of Poverty will host a workshop
for middle-class participants to understand the truths about poverty. Based on the work of Phil Devol, Ruby Payne and Terie Dreussi, the training provides insight on bridging divides that happen along socio-economic lines. It provides the tools and a common language to aid participants in working together as a community to reduce, prevent and eradicate poverty.

Get involved: Starkvillebridges.com. You can make a difference.