One apple at a time

Sitting in the ICU waiting rooms during recent months in Jackson waiting to see Mama for the next visitation, my life slowed down more than I can remember in recent memory. I had a lot of time to think about what I have done with my life. Many things that seemed important at the time all of sudden seemed trivial. I realized how much my life had gotten out of control. I wasn’t a drug addict or alcoholic, but I had wasted many opportunities. 

Sitting in the hospitals, I met parents whose children would probably die soon. I met a woman whose husband was close to dying but made sure she spent every moment with him. I met families gathered during hard times. In some of worst possible situations, I saw how much love these people had in their hearts for people close to them.


Sometimes between the visitation periods, I realized I won’t ever accomplish what I want in life if I don’t change course. I have tried to do everything at full throttle at the same time, often losing focus on what really mattered. Focusing on too many projects at one time worked for a while but things seemed to break down a little at a time.


I realized the importance of priorities. For years, I thought I didn’t have to worry about time and priorities as long as I had plenty of coffee and enthusiasm.


I went from running a marathon in 2005 to allowing my body to get out of shape more than ever. I had a girlfriend I thought I might marry a year ago, but she ran away one of the last times I saw her. I created a festival about redemption, rebellion, good-spirited fun and watched an anemic economy and other factors bully it from Main Street to a local bar. I went from enjoying my job to struggling at things I usually shined doing. I went from taking graduate classes to realizing I'd taken about three years since I completed more than one course.


Some things I have wanted won't happen because of actions and decisions I’ve made. I can't undo the past, wouldn’t want to if I could. Some relationships won't be rebuilt. One person I cared deeply about told me recently that things I’d said about our future together were just part of my imagination.


Watching Mama breathe with a respirator, I learned we have to prioritize. Beyond everything else, we need to breathe—that’s most important. We also need to make those breaths count. Since we can't do everything all at once, we need to prioritize.


I want to live in the present and focus making the imagination in my head a reality. That means not getting bogged down with too many projects at the same time. On of my favorite editors told me before I left the Vicksburg Post to try to think about eating apples.


"If you try to eat seven apples at one time, they all turn nasty and you don't enjoy any of them," she said.


A person like me tries to do it all at once. That is why prioritizing has been such a hard lesson. Not prioritizing has left me alone, out of shape and uncertain about things and relationships I value. Some of my apples rotted before I could eat them.


Experience has taught me to decide which apples mean the most, make them my top priories and enjoy each bite like it's the last.